Baby and Children’s Ceremonies

The safe arrival of a baby into this world is something to be celebrated. Baby naming and thanksgiving ceremonies are the secular (non-religious) equivalent of a traditional christening. They welcome the child into the family and honour the vital role of parents and the special relationship with grandparents, aunties and uncles,  godparents, guardians and siblings. They lay the foundation for marking other development steps throughout childhood.   

Often parents incorporate this ceremony into the child’s first birthday party, as a special celebration of having made it through the ups and downs of that first year. It is also an opportunity to formally thank those who helped along the way. 

"Planning the thanksgiving ceremony gave us time to think and talk together about what being parents meant to us, and this was a benefit of the event even before it happened. We gave friends and family the chance to express their wishes and blessings for our son, and for many of them that was a very moving experience too. Speaking our truth in public was so powerful and has cemented our relationships". 

Ceremonies for Children 

Children grow so fast but there are many milestones to celebrate in the early years:  

• Ending Kindergarten
• Starting School*
• End of first 7yr cycle (recognised as a significant developmental step in psychology and education)
• Double Digits – fun ways to mark turning 10 or 11
• Changing Schools

Birthdays are annual markers of growth. Those at 1, 5, 7 and ‘double digits’ are particularly important milestones and a great reason to involve the whole whanau and friends who have a special relationship with the child. Having a celebrant facilitate a brief ‘birthday focus or ritual’ enables the parents to be honoured for their role as well – and let’s face it, they are usually also having to be hosts, entertainers and caterers at the same time! 

Having regular ceremonies is a way to make celebration a part of your family culture – just the way we do things in our family. This is an important foundation to establish before entering the turbulent teen years.  

* Life Celebrations offers a special celebration/ceremony for the parents of children starting school. It honours and acknowledges the important role of parenting, which is seldom recognised in any tangible way. It is also a wonderful way for groups of parents who have met through kindergarten or Plunket groups, to acknowledge the role they have played in each other’s network, before they disperse to different schools and potentially lose touch.   

Family rituals, for example the “Tooth Fairy” and “Santa Claus”, are created to affirm desirable qualities and add magic to growing up and ease anxiety. Ceremony and rituals both strengthen families and help nurture children.  

Teen and Young Adult Ceremonies 

The opening lines of A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens could well have been describing the teen years: 

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us…"  

Teenage years are significant for both parents and their children. They often get bad press, and some researchers believe that the rise in antisocial behaviours, gang membership, etc, in Western society are expressions of our failure to positively acknowledge young people or give them a role to play.  As with any stage in life, the key lies in making the most of the opportunities presented. Look at how young people turned out in droves to form the Student Army after the earthquakes that struck Christchurch, NZ in 2010 and 2011 - they were a mighty force to help get wreckage cleared and people safe. They were truly awesome! 

If you establish ceremony and ritual early on as a regular part of family life, then continuing to acknowledge your teens in this way is a natural follow-on and won’t feel awkward or contrived. Some milestones that occur include: 

• Turning 13
• 2nd cycle of 7yrs at 14
• Changing school
• Taking on leadership role
• Getting a driver’s licence
• Academic, sporting and hobby achievements
• Attending the School Ball
• Significant birthdays at 16, 18 or 20 years of age
• Leaving home

Young people also need to progressively take on responsibility for themselves and their living circumstances throughout all their growing years. It is rather too late to learn to cook as you leave home, but having to prepare one meal a week can offer a great training opportunity.  Cleaning, building, car and garden maintenance skills similarly take time to master. Celebrate the contributions and achievements every chance you get.  

Several years ago, celebrants Kathrine Fraser and Elspeth Lamb co-presented a workshop at the Celebrants’ Association of New Zealand National Conference on ceremonies for children and young people. They have wide experience in creating ways to celebrate young people and are happy to help you design your event.